I have debated about posting this classic anecdote on the blog. Debated because 99% of the time if I tell someone I'm not feeling well and this not feeling well has translated into some sort of stomach problem (i.e. throwing up) then the person says, "Are you pregnant?" I find this response alarming and weird. I mean if someone has a cold I do not say, "Is it pneumonia?" (you know, "pneumonia" like the kind Charles Nelson Reilly died from). Or if someone has some trouble balancing I do not automatically leap to the assumption that this person suffers from a disastrous sort of inner ear in-balance. Alright, that being said, you must know I have a sensitive stomach. I don't broadcast this fact because of: (i) the above mentioned reasons (ii) Ross has an industrial stomach so it is just weird that I don't, and (iii) no one really wants to hear about it. But trust me you want to hear about this . . .
There I was, Monday afternoon, being awesome in my office doing some work when suddenly I knew I couldn't handle it anymore. I had had a horrible night's sleep and my body was having none of it. I found myself sitting in my office chair . . . desperate . . . I couldn't make it all the way to the bathroom because if I moved I knew my stomach wouldn't make it. It was right then and there that I praised the creator of the grocery plastic bag. I know that there is a whole movement to use recycled bags--be green--and all that stuff but honestly that plastic dominick's sack was just the thing I needed. I proceeded to throw up--in my office--with my back to the door and as quietly as possible. I then tied the sack into a knot, threw it away, finished up some things and went home. That was on Monday---finally today being Thursday I am feeling a jillion times better. I thought you would feel better knowing this.
12 comments:
Wow, sounds like you have had better days. Throwing up away from the comfort of your own bathroom is among my most hated situations. I feel for you. I once threw up at a restaurant sitting at a table of 30 people. Wheww, Let me know if you need some chicken soup.
I'm not sure how I feel about you equating pregnancy to pneumonia or severe inner-ear problems--although I can understand why you don't broadcast your stomach ailments. But...um...is there something you want to tell us?
I'm so sorry you had to throw up in your office. That's horrible--terrifying even. It brings up that elementary school nightmare of being sick in class and all the boys pointing and laughing and all the girls pointing and cringing. Horrible.
On a lighter note, you have finally vindicated my hoarding of plastic grocery bags. I knew there was a reason! I have a stack ready for just such an emergency. And on an even lighter--but significantly more sincere--note, I'm glad you're feeling better.
YUCK! That story makes me want to throw up. I'm really at a loss for words here because Abby's first paragraph is exactly what I was going to say. And to think she was worried her blog comments wouldn't be witty enough.
Kitty, you are not alone in you workplace vomiting. When I was in 1st grade I threw up at school, which is like the workplace to a 1st grader. It was right in the doorway to the main office so no one could get in or out until the janitor came to the rescue.
I hope your story will inspire others to share their public puking stories. We could start a support group.
Congratulations on the baby.
Also, Ryan threw up on the reading carpet the third grade and then covered it up with a pillow and pretended nothing happened. He never told a soul.
Well this isn't puking but my friend Cyd farted in fifth grade and when everyone turned around and looked at her she stood up and said, "It wasn't me, it wasn't me!" and ran out of the room. Not quite as great as Ryan hiding it with a pillow . . . but still that's something.
I think Ryan's cover up story is one of the best things I've ever heard. I hope he's kicked the habit. That would be seriously unpleasant to find under a cushion in the living room--although, Ryan would probably blame it on Turkey. Poor Turkey.
Todd, I owe whatever blog-comment success I have to you and KTC, prompting me to just put myself out there. So, thank you. Thank you for helping me to find my voice.
T, are you pregnant? :)
Poor KT...I managed to not throw up in my office and I WAS pregnant. I'm glad you're feeling better. But try not to feel ashamed that your husband has an "industrial" stomach while you, alas, do not. If that really is the case, than I recommend you do as I do and have him clean up all the gross things at the house. Like the garbage disposal. Sick.
Long live plastic grocery bags!
Lily--welcome to the world of blog commenting! I can't tell you how happy it is to see you here. And just for the record (Tiff and Abby) of course I'm not pregnant. Do you think I would announce it in this manner? That poor child would live in infamy knowing that he made his mother throw up in her office in a nasty used plastic bag.
This story reminds me of mission story (my apologies in advance), but it is my quintessential throw up story --or as the Aussie call it the technicolor yawn.
Imagine if you will an 18 hour bus trip...good. Add myself and a 62 year senior single sister missionary and a busload of other travellers. It's about hour 15 of the ride and it's about 4am. The sister missionary, who we will call sister white, beryl white, quietly pulls out a small bag and begins to throw up into it. It was the most dainty episode of being sick I have ever witnessed. Kind of like those people who sneeze, but don't. Anyway, after a couple of deposits into the bag, she held it gently on her lap for another couple of hours until we stopped. She acted like nothing unusual had happend. Just sitting there with a bag of vomit on her lap. I pretended I was asleep. Very odd in my book. We never spoke of it again.
Glad you are better. And is it a boy or a girl?
the morg---WELCOME TO THE BLOG! I'm so happy you are here. And I love that she just sat there with the throw-up on her lap as if nothing had happened. I must admit--I want to look her up--she sounds like a lady. A lady, indeed!
WOW...11 blog comments and growing!!! That's got to be a record. Your grotesque sickness really has helped you develop that personal connection with your fans. You and your fetus must be so proud!
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