closing out 2012

I have had a hard time moving on to 2013. I don't know if it is because the year 2013 sounds ominous (The 13 - THIRTEEN!) but in reality - I think it might be because 2012 in light of all the horrific tragedies that happened around the world - was, selfishly, a really great year for me personally. Let me explain - although *warning* this is where I now get personal in a way that I don't often get personal . . .

1) I've never been one of those people that has been in love with their appearance. I don't say this so that people can comment and say, "oh you are beautiful . .  yaddah yaddah yaddah" - it's a fact, something I've struggled with for a loooooooong time, and carrying around some extra lb's wasn't doing anything to boost my confidence. I remember being so huge with Henry and looking at my belly and saying to Greg, "after I have this baby - I want to have a body reboot." It's something I've said for a long time - way before I was even pregnant - my desire to have a body reboot. But this year - 2012 - I kind of did it. I can't even explain how awesome it is to not feel shackled by my appearance. To not hate seeing pictures of myself and wishing I could change something but instead just being much more accepting about it all and comfortable in my own skin. Of course, I still wish to be thinner, to have better skin, better hair - all of those things - but I now accept my appearance and better yet - am happy with it. My goal of giving up flour and sugar did this for me and it has been worth it. I would gladly give up cinnamon rolls for the rest of my life to continue to feel this way.

2) This year I cooked. I actually cooked! With giving up flour and sugar comes the fact that we ate in a lot more than we ate out and I have found that I really enjoy cooking. Greg and I have found some great recipes  (and some not so great recipes). There is kind of nothing better than working hard on making something healthy and then just stuffing your face with it because it is so delicious. It's also a treat that Henry seems to love our tasty stuff.

3) I read . . . drumroll please . . . 54 books in 2012 (I also lost about 54 lbs so I like to think it is correlated). I LOVED making sure that I always had a book to read. Some of my top picks that I would  recommend (in no particular order):

Okay for Now - Gary B. Schmidt (this YA book is on sale on Amazon right for $6.80) and I promise it is beautiful and sweet and wonderful. My kind sister and nieces gave me drawings of the Audubon for Christmas and I opened up the present and just started crying. Greg (finally) read the book earlier this month and felt the same way (and that's saying something as Greg is very picky when it comes to fiction books - especially if it is a YA). I have never had anyone read this book that has been disappointed.

Wild - Cheryl Strayed - I want to now hike the Appalachian Trail. I have a secret desire that when Henry earns his Eagle we'll all go put those skills of his to work on the Trail.

Nothing To Envy: Ordinary Lives in North Korea - Barbara Demick - This book is AMAZING. I learned so much about the struggle in North Korea and then I got to hear the author speak this summer. A fantastic read.

Bossypants - Tina Fey. Hilarious. Don't read if you are afraid of cursewords. But oh goodness - I loved this one. Toddcat did too.

Quiet: The Power of Introverts - Susan Cain. I loved learning more about myself and how I work as an introvert and the strength that this is.

The Happiness Project - Gretchen Rubin. Sure, the whole premise of this drives me crazy but at the same time - I loved her ideas - I loved hearing how she implemented things and I also loved learning how you can still be a working mother and (sometimes) think about the importance of still making sure you are happy.

4) This year I also learned that I could still work and still be a mom. It's hard and there are a lot of things that are crappy about it - but there are also a lot of great things about it. And I'll be the first to admit that I'm a better mom because I work. In December, there seemed to be a lot of chatter out there written by women talking about pants at church, women having more of a voice in the Church leadership and then this was followed up by an outpouring of women voicing that to truly live the words in the Proclamation means that a woman stays home and that you don't have a testimony of the gospel if you think or behave differently. I struggled. I guess all I really want to say about this - as I close up 2012 - is that I wish - as women we could all be a little bit kinder to one another. Recognize that what works for one does not mean it is a blanket statement that it works for everyone. That working or not working is not an easy thing to do and that with it comes the fact that we are all trying to do our best in our own realm. Personally,  I refuse to believe that I am loved by the Lord any less nor am I any less of a mother nor is my marriage in jeopardy because of my employment status. Nor do I think it is wrong to say - why not have a woman be a concluding speaker in Church? I mean really? That's even a concern?

A few months ago when I was frustrated with it all, I made a list of all the wonderful things about where I work and how great it is that Greg and I get to work at the same place. It's truly a blessing - even when it doesn't seem like it.

So 2012 - thank you for being patient with me. I love to see the close of 2012 and feel like I'm not in the same place I was at the beginning - I'm excited for the goals and struggles that come with 2013 because I know that at the end of the year I'll be able to say - we moved forward.

And because every post needs a picture - let's go with one from December: