Thursday, December 6, 2007
No Really, I'm Not Ross (Part I)
I have had my new phone number for more than a year now and I still get calls for the previous owner who is ironically enough named Ross. Ross Freshwater to be exact. I get at least one call per week for this dude. I have received random calls from all over the country from his friends who have no idea that his number changed . . . 12 months ago. Typically the call goes like this:
Greg: Hello
Caller: Ross?
Greg: Er . . . Ross Freshwater?
Caller: Yeah
Greg: He changed his number over a year ago and apparently didn't tell anybody.
Caller: Oh, I'm sorry to bother you.
Greg: No problem, but when you do find Ross would you please ask him to at least notify his family that he has a new number?
Caller: OK. Do you get a lot of calls for him?
Greg: More that you'd think after a year. Also, tell Ross the IRS is looking for him.
Caller: Oh, I'll let him know. Sorry.
Greg: It's okay, you take . . . luck.
I even got a text message intended for Ross announcing an engagement. I replied saying "Congrats & who R U? Ross has a new phone #. But take luck. If U R flying the wedding party to Mexico we R available." That was fun, but cost 15 cents (stupid Sprint and their fees).
So now I'm officially tired of taking calls for Ross. It was one thing to talk to his family and friends, but after a year those calls are rare. What is not rare are the credit card, business, and even blood bank calls that come through. I mean who is this guy anyway?
That question has made me think about tracking him down and trying to make contact with him. Now this is sounding like a This American Life story. I like those stories, so maybe this will be just as interesting. My first step will be to do some research on this mystery Mr. F. Well see what I can dig up.
To be continued . . .
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46 comments:
Good luck Ross. Are you sure all of these calls aren't just prank calls from Todd and KT?
Lindy - how dare you! HOW DARE YOU! First off, all calls for Ross Freshwater come from all over the country with all sorts of weird-o area codes. I am not clever enough (nor is Todd) to do something like that. Second, many of these calls arrive when I am in the room to witness. I would never inflict such torment on my husband . . . NEVER . . . although I do love watching the Betty Broderick story and all sorts of other violent wife movies.
I find it seriously amazing that the guy who used to have your phone was named Ross. I mean, what are the chances? How many Rosses are there in the world? Wow.
Also, I LOVED the Brian Regan reference. Take...luck! You too!
I have never been so insulted Lindy! Kitty is right, she is not clever enough to do that kind of prank.
Ross, I don't know what the H "take luck" means and neither does anyone else, except maybe Abby and some dude named Brian Regan. Please explain.
oh Todd - - kudos to Abby for being able to refer us to Brian Regan. I too was confused (and remember I live with Ross . . . allegedly).
Brian Regan is hilarious - possibly better at stand-up than Kathy Griffin. And we all know how you feel about Kathy Griffin.
Ditto on the hilarity of Mr. Regan.
Also, I'm curious as to what kind of people talk with a man with the last name "Freshwater" who doesn't seem to know how to inform people of new contact information. Maybe instead of brushing them off you should get to know them a little better, dontcha think?
A couple of observations.
This is either a blessing or a curse. How could you possibly end up with another Ross' phone? (How is it that after six posts, all from intelligent people, I'm the only one with enough courage to use an apostrophe with Ross? You all must have had to think about other ways to say what you wanted to say. That's fine, but next time just email me and I'll tell you how to use it.) Obviously some higher power - some may call it "God," others "Karma," and others may simply call it "bad luck" (or "good"). The point is this: either God is cursing you for something (I'm not going to speculate, but I'm sure you have some ideas), or he is trying to bring blessings into your life (we all know you deserve them). You just moved to a new city - did you know where to sell your blood? Do you have a lot of friends? Well, you could have a lot more if you would accept this as the gift it might be. (But still, you should proceed with caution as this might be a curse.)
AND Lily's right. Anyone who's friends with this Freshwater character is potentially awesome. Even more so if KTC and Todd are behind this. (Their denials are unconvincing at best, and insincere at worst.) The operation would have to involve some really loveable people across the country.
I would also like to point out that no one has brought up the possibility that Ross is making this up and that KTC is just being the supportive wife that she is.
Jill is right. I think Ross did make this whole story up to have something to blog about and Kitty is too afraid to cross him. We've all been bamboozled! How could we fall for such a sick and transparent scam?
Todd, we were seduced by their tricky ways.
Oh Todd let's be honest . . . I would never let Ross post something so ridiculous (and LONG) if it wasn't true. This story is totally true. For the most part.
Ross,
Tolerant Holder of 312-498-4976,
Greetings. There are actually three Ross Freshwater's in the world... One studies freshwater stingrays in Scotland and is in a punk rock band called "Shower of Bastards." One is a software engineer in England,and appears to run a lot of triathlons.
And, alas, the old owner of your phone number is myself - a lowly PhD student in Education at the University of Wisconsin.
Of course this is really just a front, as my real profession is carting reactor parts to Iran in exchange for cheap oil for Central Intelligence.
I was promised when I left my old teaching job at CPS to take this gig that all transactions would be off the IRS' books - so thanks for the heads up on their snooping around the old number. I'll have to get on that.
I did indeed send out an e-mail to like 150 people informing them of my new digits.
Many of these folks I formed lasting bonds with while under the cover of other professional aliases - as a pilot of the ZOOB Mobile, a 1965 milk truck with a giant toy on the roof, which I navigated across the country with 70,000 toys in the back (sometimes the most obvious, is the least obvious); as a trailblazer in Yellowstone; a fundraiser in Seattle - such extroverted activities couldn't possibly be the domain of a secret agent. They do, however, spawn friendships under a shower of area codes.
Your quandary has brought me to realize how few people actually take the time to pluck a new number out of a "Change of address/phone number" email to actually place it into their phones. Either my friends are lovable degenerates (likely), or simple measures for the human propensity to take 30 seconds to shuffle a new number from a clearly marked email to the phone in their pocket.
My friends have indeed informed me of your plight. Thanks for your patience! Looking back, I should have never given up that number. What do area codes matter in this day and age anyway?
Cheers,
Ross
Wow, Ross Freshwater is here. I haven't even spoken with Freshwater since my sophomore year at the University of Saskatchewan studying animal husbandry. Ross Freshwater knew all the great ways to get a party started. It seems that he has turned against a life of fun in the sun (well snow really) to a life of international, uh, relations? Well, Ross Freshwater, there's always a place for you in Saskatoon. Just remember that.
Will the real Ross Freshwater please stand up?
"Ross Freshwater" please reveal yourself!
Remember, you can't lie to a child
Hey Freshwater,
You owe me $200 from the midget-tossing contest on Lake Superior after your wedding last summer. I've put the IRS on your trail, you bastard. You should have never chosen Coyne as your partner and given me the Russian transvestite as mine. Now that I know where to find you, I'm hunting you down!
Dear "Ross",
I have a few questions you need to answer so that we can ascertain you are who you claim to be and not some wolf in sheep's clothing trying to pull the wool over eye eyes in some mad-capped prank. First of all, how did you find this blog?
Ross is at 608-217-4226
Toddcat,
You said you had a few questions, yet you have provided just one... And alas, I cannot reveal my intelligence sources...
Happy to answer some others.
If that is Ross Freshwater's actual number I'll die.
hmm...well it seems to me if you can't answer the first simple question there is no need for any others. You are clearly an imposter, and not a good smelling one like one of those imposter fragrences. No, this smells fishy, fishy indeed.
"Ross", why don't you tell us your blog address so we can check it out. And don't say you don't have a blog because anyone with long, detailed blog comments like yours is certain to have a blog of their own.
Fishy indeed - endemic of Freshwaters
I don't actually have a blog... But I hang out with a guy who does.
If you peruse its archives, you might even find a photo of me - hint - Freshwater can turn a guy's hair red...
http://nachoteacher.blogspot.com/2007_11_18_archive.html
Uh oh ... I think Ross is flirting with you ...
Mr. Fresh,
What did you dress up like for Halloween?
Uh, try again Freshwater. Either you typed it wrong or that blog simply does not exist. So which is it?
I saw was Ross Freshwater dressed up as for Halloween.....
Um whatever. Whoever you are please know that this a family blog - keep your cursing to a minimum.
Lest you still be doubters:
I can attest: Ross Freshwater exists, he does not have a blog (although he CERTAINLY writes as if he should have one!), and http://nachoteacher.blogspot.com is a real blog address, with a real post from October 29, with a real Ross Freshwater in costume.
I once memorized the infamous Fresh-number under strict instructions that there were two sports teams in it: the 49ers and the 76ers. Fresh has yet to come up with a snappy mnemonic for his BadgerLine...maybe that's why no one can remember it.
Very funny link Mr. Freshwater. It could only happen to you. Happy Holidays to everyone!!!
To prove his identity this is how I came about this chain.
Friends,
As I was perusing Google, trying to find my name to grab a copy of a teaching certificate, I came across a rather interesting blog with my name in it.
Apparently, the guy with my old phone number has received so many calls from lord knows who at what hour, that he has taken to blogging about it... What makes it even more entertaining is the fact that the guy's name is Ross.
No wonder my life in Wisconsin has become so sedate - no one appears to have my new phone number.
So, alas, here it is once more - 608-217-4226.
The guy's blog is below - it makes me proud of the network we run with.
Hope you all are well!
H20
http://carlklef.blogspot.com/2007/12/no-really-im-not-ross-part-i.html
Did this Freshwater guy put type phone number down in an earlier post? WTF?!
Greg - is your name Ross?
Uh, if his name was Ross, why would he go by Greg? That would make no sense at all. Now you're just being ridiculous.
Also, who is impersonating Boris Karloff?
I know why, maybe Freshy can figure it out.. Also, our small group of bantering commenters has been opened to the outside world. KT do you feel compromised?
Oh nooooooo!
Greg is Ross!
“Apparently, the guy with my old phone number has received so many calls from lord knows who at what hour, that he has taken to blogging about it... What makes it even more entertaining is the fact that the guy's name is Ross.”
wait, the owner of the phone is named greg? not ross? woe is me...this is confusing.
What's to be confused about?
"Caller: OK. Do you get a lot of calls for him?
Greg: More that you'd think after a year. Also, tell Ross the IRS is looking for him.
Caller: Oh, I'll let him know."
Has anyone seen a photo of this Greg/Ross? Maybe that will shed a little light on the name confusion.
please see the post dated Dec 2nd
It's like worlds are colliding and you are killing independent George. I think the only way to settle this once and for all is to have Ross and Ross duel it out. What better way is there to set things straight than for the two Rosses and their posses to partake in a competition reminiscent of Battle of the Network Stars? Yes, I say a paintball war is in order.
Nice to meet you Mr. Freshwater. I have to say that I'm impressed with the number of friends you have from all over the country.
To clear up the confusion with my name. My given name is Gregory, but I am known to many as "Ross" because enough people told me that I looked like David Schwimmer, that it started to stick (much to my mother's dismay). So some know me as Ross, most as Greg. I answer to both.
Also, thank you to whomever posted that clever way to remember my number. If only I had that pneumonic device a year ago when I was so confused as to why all these people were calling me . . .
no worries on the mnemonic....
i'm his wife. that happened back in our courting days, when he wanted to be sure that i would call him, even if i lost my phone...
Ross (I gotta go with this one - I hope your mom doesn't mind),
The way I was able to always get folks to remember the number...
So we're watching the 49ers game. Then it's half time. So we play a game of 8 ball at the bar.
Then the second half of the 49ers game.
Since it's December, basketball is also on. So following the football game, we flip it over to the 76ers game.
So there you have it - 498-4976.
Great for the guy who has the number. Hell for the guy who inherits it.
Hope your weekend is a fine one.
FresH20
Oh great - now the number is plastered all over the internet.
As if getting calls for Ross Freshwater wasn't annoying enough.
Things sure have quieted down since yesterday. I hope our new blog buddies haven't grown tired of us already. We live to receive blog comments so feel free to comment on this or other great blogs such as:
http://catboxmeow.blogspot.com/
(this blog, although not updated as frequently as the Carlklef Chronicles, contains a riviting account of how Ross and the ToddCat first met, complete with pictures. It's not to be missed.)
Also, Ross, why did you post a comment using the nickname "gross"?
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